


Hopelessly Hopeless

by I_Already_Forgot



Category: Arrested Development
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Blunder, Drug Abuse, GOB/tony, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, because he's one of my favorite characters ever, gob/tony wonder, this is mostly just an excuse to analyze GOB and how he thinks, tony/GOB, wonder bluth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 23:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Already_Forgot/pseuds/I_Already_Forgot
Summary: Gob has never been particularly good at making decisions, or doing the right thing... or even doing the sane thing. The more Gob considers what he should do about the Tony situation, the more certain he is that he's going to make the wrong choice.





	Hopelessly Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this on my phone directly after I finished season four mostly as an excuse to analyze Gob and the rest of the characters. I'm obsessed with GOB as a character and I think he's so hilarious and interesting. I'm not sure if I'll continue this fic but I'll probably get inspired at some point to keep writing it. This has just been sitting in my drafts for ages and I figured I should post it since I kind of like it. If I continue it the rating will probably change.  
> -Maddy

         Gob has never been particularly good at making decisions, or doing the right thing... or even doing the sane thing. If Gob is being honest with himself he's not good at much of anything that's useful in everyday life. But remembering this puts a sticky weighted feeling in his gut that seems to drag him down further, and he's reminded why he hates being honest so much. What has honesty ever gotten anyone? It's certainly not what made his family rich, it's not the foundation that keeps them all together. If anything it's exactly the opposite.

         For as long as Gob can remember, which isn't actually all that long, lying or flirting has been the only way to get what he needs. The only way to communicate or get any attention in general. Lying is second nature, it's easy, far easier than telling the truth ever has been. Every night before he gets into bed Gob looks in the mirror and he tells himself at least three lies before he takes a pill so he'll forget it all anyway. Does it count as a lie if you don't remember telling it? Gob doesn't think so; in fact it's a loophole he's pretty proud to have found.

         At least deep down Gob knows when he's lying, even if he's justified and denied it all mostly away. He hasn't deluded himself so much to think that he's some sort of saint like Michael, or convinced himself that he's in a functional relationship the way that Lindsay has just because she's scared of being alone. Gob is good at being alone, and he guesses that's at least one life skill he's managed to teach himself. Maybe 'good' is too strong of a word, but he's definitely a lot better than any of his other siblings. He had to teach himself since he always seems to be the odd man out. Buster has always clung to their mother, Michael to Tracy and then eventually George Michael. For as long as he can remember Lindsay has always thrown herself head first into one relationship after another. She calls herself a romantic but Gob has never really thought that was true. She just needs a constant in her life, some small amount of consistency she can cling and point to in order to prove some point and to ease whatever thoughts come bubbling to the surface as soon as she's single. Gob wonders if she hears those thoughts in their mothers voice, the same way he hears his own in their father's.

         Gob was secretly a little jealous when Lindsay found out that she was adopted. He often thinks about how separate he feels from his family, about how if he also found out he wasn't actually related to any of them what a relief that might be. Lindsay certainly seems to have found a certain degree of sanctuary in it. Gob is jealous of Lindsay in other ways too. Maybe George Senior only praised her for her looks, but at least he praised her for _something_. Or acknowledged her in general. Gob has always gotten the feeling that his father would rather he didn't exist until the moment he needs someone to do his dirty work. Which Gob almost always fails miserably at. 

         That's not to say that Gob dislikes being told what to do, he actually loves it. Gob likes to feel useful, especially to the family, _especially_ if it gives him the chance to outshine Michael. Gob pretty much always feels like he's in the wrong place doing the wrong thing, and his family often verifies this.

         It's always been Michael that gets everything right, Michael who manages to figure everything out all on his own, Michael who saves the day. But Gob has never really been able to get the hang of any of that. All the business with the company and the trials has always felt so far above his reach, he can never get a handle on it, and when he does he almost always seems to make things worse. So yeah, when someone tells Gob to do something, he does it. He's happy to. It means that he'll be where he's meant to be, doing what he's supposed to do. It's a chance to make someone proud of him for once.

         Gob hates how easy it seems for Michael, how comfortable he is in his self proclaimed role as the martyr. He hates how composed Michael always is, how self assured. Gob's emotions are always simmering intensely just below the surface, constantly spilling out the sides in erratic bursts like fireworks inside his head. His mind is always jumping from one extreme to another, so quickly sometimes it starts to make him feel car sick. He just can't ever seem to keep himself _contained_. Sure, Gob can fake confidence better than anyone he knows, he can make a whole room of people think whatever he wants, but Michael actually _believes_ the lies he tells himself. No amount of false bravado ever quite seems to get Gob to that point.

         And Gob _hates_ his brother for that; but he also loves him for it. Michael is Gob's favorite family member, favorite person. He's his closest confidant, his closest friend. He's the only one who attempts to treat Gob with even an iota of respect; however, he may also have the lowest opinion of him out of anyone. Well, except maybe their mother. It's complicated, and like his relationship with pretty much every member of his family Gob doesn't like to think about it too much. In fact, he's come to realize that he doesn't like to think about hardly any aspects of his life. Maybe that's why he finds such comfort in the large swaths of black that litter his memories.

It's hard for Gob to stop thinking about his family though, considering he doesn't have any real friends outside of them. None of them do, now that he thinks about it. That's probably not a great sign.

         Well he does have-

         No, he's definitely not thinking about him. He's at the very top of the list of things that Gob definitely is not thinking about. Actually, there isn't even a list. And even if there was, Tony definitely wouldn't have made the cut. Gob couldn't care any less about stupid spiky haired magicians and what they think of him. He definitely doesn't care that their rivalry had taken a very sudden and drastic turn into vastly uncharted territory and that now every time he hears the word 'wonder' it feels like he's drowning. He definitely doesn't care about the _incident_. He doesn't care that Tony was allowed to forget it all and he wasn't. He doesn't care that he'd never called Tony back after listening to his voicemail and has been avoiding his calls for two days now. His mother's warning repeating again and again in his head, ' _No scandals, no scandals, no scandals.'_

         He's not thinking about the fact that he now has this huge decision to make on top of being the president of the company. He's not thinking about his deathly fear of commitment or the fact that the one person he almost wants to talk about it with is the person he keeps letting go to voicemail. He's not thinking about the crooked pottery he has sitting on his bedside table.

         Gob's not thinking about much of anything, he just _can't_.

 


End file.
